I guess it is some sort of tease to show rays of sunshine around the dark clouds in the weather forecast. The chances of seeing any sun today seem slim in the extreme. It doesn't seem to be raining as I write this, and I didn't notice any rain earlier, but the forecasts says there will be light rain all day long. It currently only looks very slightly damp outside. Today has started around 4° C, and the middle and end will all be about the same. It has all the ingredients for a horrible, depressing day. Tomorrow will be a little different, but not really better. The morning may start at 5° C, and it will rain, mostly light rain, or even some drizzle, until after midday when it will be grey but dry. The afternoon temperature may reach 7° C.
 
  All the sunshine yesterday morning should have been inspiring, but I am not sure it was. It was a day when I had to fight a constant hunger, or if not exactly "hunger", a stupid desire to eat. It did not end well. I am not sure I even enjoyed the afternoon beer session.

  One thing I did do yesterday, after I had finished writing, and had a rest, was to have a nice shower. That should have been most enjoyable, but it was shadowed by the fact that I really wanted to wash my hair, but just couldn't be bothered to do it. One reason was that I have had the bathroom window slightly ajar for the last week or more. It helped to keep the bathroom a bit dryer, and less musty. Yesterday the wind must have changed direction, and there was an icy blast coming through that small, maybe 2 inch, gap at the top of the window. It is closed now.

  I didn't need to rush to go out shopping or anything, and so I took my time doing a basic clean/clear up of the kitchen and dining room - ready for Jodie to mess up again as she prepared her dinner in the kitchen. I think it was gone 3.30pm when Jodie arrived. Alan joined her half an hour later, and Michael another half hour later (all these half hours are extremely approximate).

  Having a full house, and two others to talk to made it more interesting than when it is just Jodie here. It still wasn't a great session for one simple reason. Nearly all the beers, not that there were a lot of them yesterday, were the sort of beers that Jodie, and Alan like - nasty sour beers. One was extremely tart, but the underlying fruit flavour did have some sort of promise. As usual, Michael had a small taste of some of them, but he mainly stuck to his cheap lagers.

  Jodie and Alan left a little before 6.30pm. They were heading to a gig in The Cavern in Raynes Park. Alan decided they would get a train from Catford to Denmark Hill, and then change to a London Overground train to Clapham Junction. From there they would get a train direct to Raynes Park. If I were going I would use my old commuting route to Earlsfield by first going to Waterloo East, and then doing the mad dash to Waterloo Mainline station. Any of the trains I would get to Earlsfield would do - Raynes Park being 2 more stations down the line. Michael left a few minutes later.

  Prior to drinking I needed to "line my stomach", and I started off with two slices of cheese on toast. They seemed between nice and bland. I followed those two with the last of the "slightly fruited" fruit cake. I feel sure I had more than that, but all I can think of was a small amount of salted peanuts as a snack. It seemed mostly safe up to then, but then there was my dinner. It was a very rich sort of stew.

  It was based on just 6 beef meatballs from a pack of 12. I would usually have all 12, but I thought I would exercise restraint. That was a stupid idea because adding tomato purée, and ready cooked crispy fried onions, to thicken the gravy made it a very rich meal. I also added a whole sliced, so called, salad tomato, 4 or 5 long green finger chillies, and some mini, multicoloured bell peppers. It was very nice, but it gave me terrible indigestion later.

  I could, and maybe should have had something like an apple if, as was the case, I wanted a dessert, but I opted for a low-ish calorie chocolate flavour ice cream. I couldn't be bothered to do a measure portion, and just finished the carton. I was only about a quarter eaten when I started, and so I ate a lot more ice cream than was good for me - probably.

  Last night was like the night before. I found little excitement when watching any of the Star Treks, and when it came to "new" episodes of The Simpsons, I elected to record them rather than watching them, although with no working timer function I had to stay awake to stop the recording, and turn the TV off at 9pm. Staying away was a lot easier then I wanted. As noted above, I had rotten indigestion from the greasy and spicy stew I had for dinner. Every burp brought the taste of the fried onions.

  I think I did get half asleep soon after 9pm, but I made the mistake of turning onto my right side while trying to get comfortable. That kicked off acid indigestion, and for a short while my chest really burned like a heart attack. The only option was to get up again, and take some antacid tablets. As I waited for them to act I suddenly decided that maybe I needed another late evening poo. I had the same the night before, and I think I went twice then, and I went twice last night. It seemed odd that there was very little urgency about it, but both time were very productive.

  After maybe half an hour, but possibly a full hour, after getting up, I was back in bed, and then fell asleep quite quickly. Last night was another night where I seemed to pee very little - also just like the night before. I was beginning to wonder if my kidneys had given up, but I seemed to have no trouble peeing a lot after getting up and almost until I started drinking beer. After drinking beer I needed several pees, but I just didn't seem to need to go much during the night.

  When I finally got up I had a small pee, and medium large poo. I then got on the scales fearing the worst - and my fears were very justified. I seemed to have put in every single gram that I had apparently lost two days ago. This morning I was 1.2kg heavier than yesterday, and yesterday I think I said I had put on 900gm.

  All that weight gain might indicate I had eaten far too much rich food, but I don't think I could have eaten enough for these sorts of weight gains. Maybe my kidneys have packed up....but when not sleeping I seem to be peeing more than usual. I wondered what it would do for my blood glucose level. Yesterday, my readings were a bit higher, but still good. This morning was similar.

  The Contour meter read 8.8mmol/l. That is indeed a bit higher than I like, but it is still just about OK. The GlucoRX meter read 8.0mmol/l, and that is actually fairly good for me. Even the Sinocare meter reading was not bad at 8.6mmol/l - remembering that for a lot of time I was aiming for 8.5mmol/l or better (I now aim for 7.5mmol/l or better). At the moment it is my weight that is the only worry. If it were warm and sunny today I could more easily control my eating.

  Today promises utterly miserable weather, and controlling my diet is not going to be easy, and barely possible - if even that ! Now I have had my breakfast I should ideally fast until a very light dinner, but I already know that will not happen. I am feeling ravenous just thinking about it ! I expect I will have two not very crusty, crusty rolls with (probably) ham and mustard in them. My dinner is going to be just fruit again, but I will allow something small for a dessert (maybe ice cream or cake).

  One further bit of misery today is going to be the cold. It is perishing outside, and after getting my electricity bill for January, yesterday, I feel most reluctant to burn any but the most essential electricity for heating. In January I managed to burn through £450 of electricity. I am still, but the skin of my teeth, in credit, but at the end of this month I can foresee I might have to top up my already extremely generous (by my reckoning) standing order, or the bastards will threaten to send the boys around - unless I can reduce my consumption a lot. I had the heater on full last night, but this morning it is only on half, and it is losing the battle to keep it "shirtsleeve warm" in just this one room.

  If I was not so bloody miserable outside I could try and spend a lot of the day just riding around on trains using my Freedom Pass, but if I did that I would come home to a freezing cold bedroom, and spend all night trying to warm it up again. I am pretty sure I will be going nowhere today, and seeing no one. At least that means I can ignore any imperatives like washing my disgusting hair. I think the best I can hope for today is editing and watching more episodes of The Simpsons. It is not exactly high brow stuff, but in small doses it is distracting enough for all but the desire to eat - made worse by feeing cold !