So far this morning there has not been any blue sky, and so no sunshine. It is actually looking quite grim as I write this, and over towards the east, where the sun should be, there is a great big very grey cloud. It looks more like it could rain !  If we ever get the sunshine and sunny spells, the afternoon temperature could reach 17° C.  As I look out the window I find it hard to believe. No rain is forecast for today, and my bones don't seem to be aching, and that sort of confirms it, but the outside has that sort of grey property that in winter might signify a possible fall of snow. Tomorrow has a very upbeat forecast. It currently shows full sunshine from dawn to dusk, and an afternoon temperature of 18° C - which is pretty good for a day that might start at 7° C.

  I felt quite upbeat yesterday morning, The very idea of it now seems madness because by the afternoon I was feeling extra downbeat. With one exception I felt physically fairly good, but it was interesting that I finished the day with a body temperature of 37.0° C, and I usually only get that hot when ill (despite "normal" being 37.3° C).

  It was lucky that by and large I was feeling OK yesterday morning because I was able to finish the washing I had left in soak from the previous day. I had it hanging up to dry indoors on the big clothes horse before 8am (if I recall correctly). It seemed a good start to the day. I wrote yesterday's electronic diary (what you are reading right now), and it was  fairly long 2,593 words. Then had a rest. I think I may have dozed off because it turned into a bit of rush to get ready to go out.

  My destination was The Jolly Farmers pub, and being a social thing I had a shave, washed my hair, and had a shower.  When I finally got out the door it seemed I had barely been ready in time to get my usual time (the 12:34 train towards Charing Cross). It seemed too cold to wear shorts yesterday, and while my sleeveless denim jacket gave some protection, I do wonder if wearing a full coat would not have been better.

  Although I say I felt quite good, I soon found my legs had reverted to complaining after walking for only 5 minutes. It would be worse on the way home, and that may have been the instigator for a feeling of misery later. I did get to the station at about the ideal time. I had time for a 30 second breather before going over the footbridge, and I still had a 5 minute wait for my train.


  When I got to Ladywell I saw the only (sort of) good news of the day. It seems that the friends of Nunhead Cemetery have announced an open day on Saturday 17th May. I have to admit this is only good news in a very theoretical way. In the past I have made several visits to the cemetery, and always when it has been very quiet in there, and there is almost a feeling of solitude for much of the time.  Maybe I have Gothic tendencies because I seem to feel good among the graves and tombs.

  I suspect that if I could bring myself to do it, it would be really good on a dark, wet and gloomy day. Apart from there being no shelter, I can imagine it being really good in the middle of a thunderstorm. I am not so sure it would be an enjoyable experience on an open days with crowds of people milling around, and morris dancers !!!

  Despite the negative thoughts about it, I might still go if I have nothing better to do, but would probably seek out the more wild corners of the place. Once upon a time it was a very wild unkempt place that was part of the charm, but the friends of the cemetery have done rather too much to tame then place for my liking.

  My visit to the pub was semi good. It was not terribly exciting, but the atmosphere felt good. I had my usual two pints, and read most of The Metro, and tackled the crosswords in it. I think I only got stuck on one of the quick crossword clues, and the cryptic crossword seemed unusually easy until I had solved 9 or 10 clues. After that I think my brain seized up, and I had to give up on the rest of it (maybe I managed about a quarter of it).

  The sun was shining when I left the pub, and I did consider the idea of walking home, but idea quickly evaporated after coming out of the path behind St Mary's church, and entering the park. I could feel myself starting to slow up a bit, and to make matters worse, the sun had had gone behind another cloud. It is a fairly short walk from there to my usual spot on the platform of Ladywell Station, and I pushed myself because I knew I would soon be having a short rest - probably waiting for the next train, or even for the 2 minutes on the train back to Catford Bridge station.

  I was evidently not feeling cheerful as I waited the 7 or 8 minutes for the next train. I was actually feeling a bit miserable, and to distract myself from it I started to think about food. This may have deepened my depression because I was thinking of food I shouldn't eat. If I had less control I could easily have called in at the fried chicken shop for a couple of pieces of fried chicken and "fries". I craved something hot and greasy, but I resisted. I even resisted the idea of going into Sainbury's for some of their salads because I knew I would probably fill my bag with sandwiches and other stuff too.

  I walked directly home from the station, and it was hard work, maybe even a bit painful. My ankles were complaining as well as several leg muscles and maybe to a lesser extent, my knees too. I had reverted to feel almost as bad as before last week when a few walks in the warm sunshine seemed to be getting my legs back into shape. The previous Wednesday I had was almost feeling OK when I walked both to and from the pub.

  I arrived home still fantasising about kebabs, or curries, or even cakes. Fortunately I didn't have any of these things, but there was one thing I could have that was a bit naughty, and a bit nice, but maybe not too bad for me. It was ice cream, and I enjoyed it - but not to the extent that I lost control and ate more than was a semi sort of safe amount. It was meant as a complete replacement to a couple of filled rolls, but I did have a couple of packets of crisps as well.

  As is very usual for me, I felt tired after my fresh air, walk and two pints of Guinness. After a while I laid on my bed and read for a bit before having a snooze. I have no idea how long that snooze was. It could have been anything from a few minutes to a full hour...and possibly more, although that is unlikely. The rest of the day seemed as if it would be very boring, very tedious, and very depressing - and it almost was nearly that bad !

  There was some stuff on TV that I watched with very little enthusiasm. During the BBC 6 O'clock news I had my dinner. It was two little snack like "protein" pots. They seemed to offer a very low amount of sugar, and that was the only good thing about them. They were not actually horrible, and may have almost been nice in places, but I could not get excited about them, and all I was after was some excitement - or an good sleep.

  It was after I had eaten dinner that I grabbed a bottle of whisky, and poured two extra large doses of it. It was the first time I have any whisky, or indeed any booze in the evening for ages. It sort of felt naughty, and that felt good. It never felt like I got drunk, but I did get another negative reaction to it. I had probably drunk it too quickly, and it would have been better if I had made it last until I was ready for bed.

  I could have poured more measures to last me until bedtime, but I seemed to have some sort of subconscious limiter that said enough is enough - most annoying when I really wanted to blot out the world. By 11pm I wanted to go to sleep, but by then I had a hangover starting, and I had a sort of stomach ache. It was another night when I got up again, and sat at my PC waiting for a couple of pain killers worked their magic.

  I think it was probably just after midnight when I fell asleep. It seemed to be a rather good sleep except for a few things. One of them was waking up feeling cold in the small hours. I needed a pee, and while I was up I turned the thermostat on the heater a bit. After that I don't think the heater stopped for the rest of my sleep. I seem to think I got up less frequently to pee than most nights.

  I do remember fragments of one long dream, or more likely series of dreams that seemed like episodes of a TV series - same characters, same background, but a different adventure. Once again it was set at work, but one difference was that it was the company closing down, and not me retiring. As the space was being cleared out there seemed to be loads of stuff free for the taking, and I can remember my rucksack getting very heavy with stuff I thought I might one day use.

  Waking up this morning was something of a surprise. I had woken up about an hour previously to have a pee. I went back to bed and I didn't think I would fall asleep, but suddenly I was waking up again, and feeling far better than I imagined I could. I am not sure just why I fell good, and it was possible just an absence of bad. One interesting thing was that at about 10pm In had checked my body temperature - just for my spreadsheet of random checks through the day.

  The thermometer said 37.0° C. That would usually be 0.3° C less than "normal", but compared to months of records it was the highest I have been this year, and possibly for several years. Maybe it was the whisky causing a fever, or maybe it was some sort of post covid thing. Maybe I was fighting some non obvious infection. What even it was it is all back to normal this morning. When I woke up it was 35.0° C, and that is very typical for me in the morning.

  I expect there was stuff I ate yesterday that I have forgotten about, or maybe it is that I am constipated again (nothing has passed so far this morning), but I seem to have gained 500gm this morning. It is also possible that my reduced peeing in the night shares some of the blame. Provided I can get back on a downward trend it is not so bad. My weight always bobs up and down, but it seems that the trend continues to go slowly down.

  Did my lack of peeing in the night suggest a lower blood glucose level....yes it did this time ! The Contour meter read a slightly under current target reading of 7.4mmol/l. The GlucoRX meter read an even better 7.2mmol/l. Even the Sinocare meter stayed almost on course with a reading of 7.9mmol/l. That seems to rule out that it is sensitive to alcohol breakdown chemicals in my blood. If it was then it would surely give a super high reading after all the whisky I drank yesterday. I need a new theory as to why that meter can produce such radically different readings to the others on some occasions.

  The main thing on the menu today is the usual Thursday afternoon beer tasting session with Jodie, and maybe Michael as well. I was going to say the highlight of the day, but it is currently feeling almost the opposite to a highlight. For one thing all that beer, although some of it is delicious, is not a good partner to me when I am trying to keep a very firm grip on my eating - mainly to try and almost painlessly lose weight.

  The other negative aspects are that Jodie is so often less than entertaining by spending ages on her phone like a teenager (or so I am lead to believe). It is very rare to get anything enlightening from Michael these days. He sends most of the time moaning about one thing or another - usually both with some spares on the side. If it were that I do not want to become 100% isolated, I would call the whole thing off.

  Mostly what I pine for is long walks in hot sunshine exploring the nooks and crannies of the coast. The trouble is that I have almost lost hope of ever being able to do that sort of thing again, and that is quite depressing.