I took the screenshot of the weather, as shown above, at about 5.10am. It is sort of remarkable that it hasn't changed. It tells us that very soon now the sun should push through the rather cloudy sky (which doesn't look likely), and an hour later the sun will be out full strength until midday. After that it will be back to sunny intervals. Unfortunately the wind is from the east, and that means the temperature will probably not rise above 13° C today. We may have better luck tomorrow when there may be much more sunshine, and the temperature could rise to 17° C. The day after tomorrow, Thursday, could see a return to more summer like weather.
 
  Yesterday was one of those days that was both good and bad - very bad ! I have a strong feeling I have lost Angela for good. Without her there is nothing to look forward to, and lockdown may just as well continue on for ever. Life becomes existence instead of living. I didn't realise this until, sometime in the afternoon when I saw a picture and read the comments about it. I wish I hadn't.

  My early morning walk to the little 24 hour supermarket started the day with some success, but after that I had to keep myself amused as I waited in for my new walking/hiking boots to be delivered. I must have been confusing Hermes, the courier company, with another courier. I thought they usually sent a text message to give some sort of idea of when the delivery would take place. Evidently Hermes don't, and I had to stay on high alert until my package was delivered at about 4pm.

  It is hard to say how I filled in all the time waiting for that delivery. I did a few little odd jobs here and there, and I guess the only one that is simple to describe is watering my window boxes. I seemed to have learned a valuable gardening lesson from those window boxes. It seems that throwing too many seeds in a window box just ends with all the young plants choking each other as they become root bound. I have a dark suspicion that the three wooden boxes along the middle of my front room bay window, will never do much, but the one big plastic (terracotta looking) box does seem to be looking fair at the moment.
  I was hoping for big flowers, but lots of little flowers, with some being violet/purple for some variety, seems to be what I have. Oh well, it's a start, and maybe next year, if there is a next year, I will do it properly.

  I actually ordered two pair of walking boots, and they came from the same place. I think that during lockdown, when rambling is not allowed, they have a sort of sale on. I noted that the recommended price of each pair of boots was about two thirds of what I paid for both pairs of boots. I now hope that the expense, albeit not much if he boots turn out to be as good as hoped, is worth it.
  One of the boxes had obviously suffered after being treated roughly by the courier (or one of the handlers at the depots it passed through). If the box contained something like expensive camera gear I would have been most worried, but boots are pretty resilient, and of course there was no internal damage. The peculiar things was that upon opening the two boxes I found the initial view was that the boots were the same despite having a different description when I ordered them online. Closer inspection revealed some differences, but I get a strong impression that both are built on the same chassis !

  I tried both pairs on, and I am happy to report that they do seem to be "medium wide" - which was the one essential specification. I tried them without socks, and while I won't be wearing them like that, they did seems to have smooth insides that should stop and obvious sore spots. I only wore them for 30 seconds just to get a feel, and I won't know for definite if I like them until I have walk a mile or two in them. The one downside at the moment is that they are so similar that if it does turn out that one pair is uncomfortable, then he other is almost certain to be so too.
  I hope these new boots do turn out to be as comfortable as those pictured above - sole side up ! I guess it is not terribly obvious from this picture, but if these were car tyres they would warrant a fine for having almost no tread. These were the same boots that last autumn developed a really annoying squeaky squelch when water got into a cavity that had been cut by a sharp flint. I had to cut the rubber away from the cavity to remove the flint, and to stop the squeak. I could continue wearing these until the sole gets so thin that you can see my foot through it, but I think they should be retired long before that. Maybe even today if a test walk in one of the new pairs of boots is a success.

  As I mentioned yesterday, I had a late breakfast of chick pea "salad" instead of lunch. I did have a couple of light(ish) snacks after that, but my dinner was more substantial. It was a two part dinner. Part one was a Sainsbury's Greek salad. It was nice, but seemed very insubstantial, and I wanted a part two. The latter was another salad I built from sliced red cabbage, sliced onion, tomatoes and chunks of cucumber all swirled in a generous squirt of chilli mayonnaise. I also threw in some diced cheddar.

  I had some mild worries that the chick pea salads might increase my blood glucose a bit, but I was fairly sure that my dinner would be very benign. The thing that may have been less benign was the Polish beer I drank last night. I showed a picture of the two cans I bought yesterday. I speculated that the pictures on the cans (which had no English writing on them at all) strongly suggested it was a honey beer. Later on I did some research, as I should have at the beginning, and confirmed that it is indeed a honey beer - http://perla.pl/en/produkty/perla-miodowa-en/.

  It was a nice beer - very drinkable, and it didn't seem to taste that sweet, but I think I have to blame it for raising my blood glucose level this morning. A reading of 7.6mmol/l is just in my target range still, but after a short run of lower readings it was a bit of a disappointment this morning. Of course there could have been an unlikely, but still possible, with a bit of imagination, reason - depression. That manifested itself most strongly at 4 am this morning.

  I read quite a few pages of the book I am reading before attempting to go to sleep last night. I got sufficiently distracted by it to be able to fall asleep quite easily just before 10pm (if I recall correctly). The story was still echoing in my head enough that my brain based a dream on it. I can remember nothing of the dream apart from it involved characters from the book. I think it was a dream just before 4am that messed everything up. It featured someone who wasn't Angela...maybe not the new Angela, but must have been an old version of her. I think it ended with a nice warm hug. I woke up with that image still in my mind, and I couldn't shift it for almost the next two hours.

  After trying to get back to sleep I had to give up after perhaps half an hour, and I got up for an hour and half before I went back to bed. I did get another hour or so of sleep after that, but I feel like I was tossing and turning for that time because I seemed to wake up feeling almost worn out instead of refreshed. I was further depressed when I weighed myself. I must have eaten, drunk, or both, something that not only raised my blood glucose level, but halted any weight loss (although I am quibbling about figures of no more than 100 gram here).

  Today I ought to go for a long walk, and I ought to test one of the pairs of my new boots on that walk. Whether it is a long walk, or a shorter one really depends on how comfortable, or uncomfortable those boots turn out to be - after making allowances for that new shoe feeling that does not represent how they might feel when worn in. In the case of synthetic material I am not sure if it is the shoe/boot that learns the foots shape, or the foot learns the shape of the boot. Oh well I had better be prepared to use the boots at least a few times before making a final decision.

  The only trouble at the moment is that I am really going to have to force myself to go on that walk. I am really not in the mood for it - despite knowing that it would lift my mood - and I am not sure of I feel physically up to it. I guess it is just another facet of depression, but I don't feel good enough to walk. It is almost as if I am ill, but the fact that I can't say there is anything specifically on my body that says it is not working rather points to the problem being in my head. Maybe it will all be easier when the sun finally come out - assuming it does. (The latest revision to the forecast now says the sunny intervals should be starting soon, but the full sunshine may not start until 11am now). Before making a decision I need a shower, and to wash my hair. Maybe the full sunshine should be with us by the time my hair is dry.